New LBS dealing with WW Part 4

[Joe2017]

Yesterday I decided that I would give WW a scheduled time to use the MBR bath in the morning to alleviate some logistic headaches. The conversation started out civil but once she got "her way" she became aggressive and mean. I have lately eased on the NC and will initiate business conversations to try to ease tensions. It has not made any difference really. Just trying to lighten the stress, but to no avail.

But one thing did strike me. She looks bad. Physically bad, like her eyes are sunken in and she seems exhausted. I wish I could help her, or tell her she needs to rest or eat. But she would only get mad at me for saying something. Everything turns into her accosting me.

For instance, I was putting away dishes and she got mad because I was in "her space" downstairs and taking up too much time. Anyhow.

So two things are on my mind: I have to fully let go and I have to be the lighthouse.

Letting Go:
Letting go is so hard when I love her so much (or what I knew as her). Maybe I'm choosing not to be "in love" with her now, but I do still love her. I am ready to sign the D agreement if it ever comes. I realize that WW has eclipsed my wife. Letting go is hard but necessary. Tough but I'm doing my best to let the process occur. I know it takes time, and time is not on my side. It is what it is.

The Lighthouse:
I know the road home has to be paved and smooth. I know that I have to let her know I am here for her and S14. I am just not sure how to do this without seeming weak or without making her feel like I am pursuing her. I have been hard nosed NC, and I have made it clear that I "dumped her". WW has expressed that she harbors resentment from the "dumping" but she shows no signs of being remotely close to finishing her fog. Her BFF is keeping her head in the fog clouds. I will never be given any consideration under those circumstances, as long as her BFF is living vicariously through my wife.

So how do I become the lighthouse? That is a tough puzzle to figure out.