that really means a lot to me in this situation where i am constantly torn between moving out and staying.
Today i was looking at a place i could move in to and honestly... i could picture it right there, by myself, starting a new life!
Unthinkable just a few months ago. Doesn't it speak volumes when right now i am looking more forward to the evenings where my W is gone doing her thing than the ones she stays at home with us?
I mean.. it's like i REALLY don't know her anymore at all, like a completely different person in all aspects. Most of the time when she talks she talks about her new gym stuff and how she is doing things with her new friend (supposedly gay which i only semi-buy into but no matter) and the other time she sits there texting on her phone all the time. The couple times she DOES say stuff to me personally feels FORCED.
So to summarize, we have 2 people who kinda don't even feel comfortable around each other anymore on most days. Once in a while there's a day where i feel her trying to approach me though, like yesterday we took our son to a theme park (we used to love going before BD) and i guess she must have felt somewhat melancholic because she tried to grab my hand on several occasions and even leaned onto my shoulder while watching a show. She asked me if it was ok to do that before and honestly i was freaked and didn't know HOW to respond?
I ended up saying "It's alright" but it was awkward for me at least... What does she think is gonna happen? I'm gonna burst out with joy? I don't believe for a second that any of that has any meaning whatsoever since the next day she will be cold and distant again toward me but i guess it still felt nice for a small moment in time.
Anyway, you have made a strong case for staying and i guess in the end only I can make that decision but it's SO hard right now to make up my mind
