Gordie, This is hard work. This may seem harsh, but you absolutely have to stay out of it, especially because D is in college - we're not talking little ones still in elementary school here. This is a young woman.
Also Gordie, your stbx absolutely must face her consequences and this is a big one. Stop being her big Daddy who will fix her messes. Of course you want your D1 and wife to have a good relationship. Everyone wants that for their children. Unfortunately, stbxw needs to realize that it's up to her to step up. Don't deprive her of the opportunity to do so.
Frankly, this is between them, not you. I know it's hard. Sorry to be harsh. xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
