Your situation breaks my heart a lot, because I feel like your H's dorm and my H's basement bedroom have been similar situations. It also sounds like you are ready.
After a period of relative calm and your unending sense of humor at your H's antics, it must feel so awful to have this maniac phase oh sudden EMERGENCY. But, it's his emergency and not yours, as much as he is going to try to make it yours. This may be the most important business decision of your life, so don't let him rush you and, if possible, use his eagerness to get a large portion of a settlement.
My H dropped the bomb on me on a Friday and thought we could settle everything by Sunday. He kept pressuring me. The "go through lawyers" line got a lot of pushback initially, but I just held to it and kept refusing to discuss it and would leave the room whenever someone brought it up. I eventually threatened to document further boundary violations as harassment. I think you could definitely use the line "in order to keep the emotional tension low for the sake of our children, I would like to continue these conversations through lawyers."
I am, again, so sorry that it's come to this, but I do hope that window you're escaping through gets bigger and becomes soothing.
BD#1: "marriage is over" 9/14/2016 H in basement 24/7 with EX/OM BD#2: 3/20/2017 I plan to move out "soon" I LRT me: 42, H, 41, EX/OM, 37 D 10, Son 7 M to H = 20 years EX/OM moved in 10 years ago
