Gordie #16: walking away from from MLC W

[Surv1ve]

Gordie,

I want to chime in with everyone else. In the last year, I have read a zillion books on relationships, families, self growth, etc. One of the best ones was "the dance of anger" by Harriet Lerner which talked a LOT about triangulating. I learned SO much from that book, and Harriet Lerner and me are both in favor of you letting STBX and D1 to manage their own relationship. I think it's fair to response to STBX and say that you, too, want her to have a loving and close relationship with D1, but that it's no longer your place to intervene in that way. You can let STBX know that you are supporting that process within your limits and boundaries by never speaking poorly of her, being accountable for what belongs to you, and being willing to nonjudgmentally support D1 if she chooses to share her feelings with you. Meanwhile, one of the best things anyone said to me on the board was from 25 in that I didn't need to give conseqeneces to my H for his bad behavior; LIFE would give him conseuqnces. Sorry to Gordie's STBX, but this is one of the consequences of her life choices. Let her clean up her own mess and don't rescue her from herself. Consequences for life choices help us to learn to be better people! Let her learn what she needs to learn.

From D1s perspective, I think if you get in the mix, you just risk having D1 feel resentful to you, especially if you come in with an agenda. She has every right to be furious with her mom. Let he know that you're aware, that you're here for her if she wants to talk, and that you support her in making a great decision for herself. She may just need some time.