Don't want to be a wayward wife ...

[Subitai]

Blu,

Wow, you have been through a lot! Is there any way to get through to him on the DB'ing? That you need space to consider? It seems like you view the M in a positive manner intellectually, but emotionally you are in a different space. Has he read the DB/DR books? It seems like he's in the desperate first stages still, and I think we can all understand why. He needs to understand why you need space. My think you guys are alike a perturbed pendulum. You swung all the way out on his affair, and now you're past the middle and swinging out on your side in reaction. It will take work and time to get back to 'at rest'. But perhaps you're not like that, and you living through the loss and return has made you realize you don't want what was lost anymore at all, and you're only feeling like you SHOULD want it. Or possibly, you just need some separation and space for yourself (db'ing) so that you can properly value and re-evaluate what has been regained.

I hope things settle for you in a way that makes sense and brings you peace.