Separated after 9y and W says it is the end. Help!

[sandi2]

I just don't really believe in many things said over here. For example it being a script - sure, what happens seems to follow a certain pattern but we are all so different and we tell a different story when asked.

For me, the point behind telling a newcomer that his WW is following script, is b/c most new arrivals believe they have a unique situation and are panicking over every word or action. WW's actually do say and a lot of similar things throughout the whole ordeal. Of course, they have different stories and are different individuals, but this is why it is so obvious, to me, to see this commonality in WW's.

To me, these sometimes feel like things that are said to make us feel good, but it just prevents us from seeing the reality

I can't speak for others, but I don't tell people that their WW is following script to make them feel better. I'm not trying to make them feel worse, either. I am trying to enlighten them in how a WW operates.

As for the reality part.....I have been accused of being too negative, or crashing all their hope, or being pro divorce, or too harsh, on & on. I am a realist by nature. I wish I had the talent of Vanilla and some of the others, who speak sweet, comforting words of encouragement. Even when they use a 2x4, it is in a graceful, caring manner.

I use to be the first or second person to jump into a newcomer's thread. I thought if I could tell a LBH what he's dealing with in his W, maybe he could bypass some of the stuff others experienced. But guess what? Most were just not ready to hear what I had to say. They rejected it. It's too harsh and they don't want to hear it. They are here looking for hope, and don't want to face reality. Maybe that's why it's a challenge for people like you and I. I remember one poster who suddenly turned on the board, cursing us out for giving him false hope. Sometimes, you just feel like you can't win either way you go.

It is said that we are given the gift - the gift of time. In my personal opinion and closely to what you said, the greatest gift we are given is the enlightenment. If we choose to see it, it gives us the willingness to seek for guidance to gain the growth, relationship (or in general, life-) skills and keys to build our own happiness; it frees us from believing that happiness comes from outside. I think knowing these things are really rare in today's world.

I agree!