It doesn't take but a few minutes to pronounce a couple man & wife. It doesn't take but a few minutes to declare a couple divorced. The time leading up to either event can be quite stressful, but has different outcomes.
A wedding is the highest point of the couple's relationship (with the exception of the birth of their children). A wedding is a happy experience that's hard to top, b/c of the joy and hope it promises for the future.
A divorce is the lowest point of the couple's relationship. It is a sorrowful experience. It signifies the end, and dividing what once was a whole. However, there is a direction available for the individuals, and it is upward.
Another Stander spoke of the couples he knows personally that reunited after they split. The longer I observe people IRL and those on the board, I am convinced that taking time apart can actually save many marriages. When I read of the horrible conditions some people go through while living together under the same roof, it is harder for me to not tell them to physically separate in order to save themselves, and hopefully, the MR. As a kid, I saw this a lot....and in most of those cases I knew about, the couples did reconcile. These days, couples live together until the day the divorce is final. By staying under the same roof too long, they cause more strain and deterioration, IMHO. If there was to ever be a second chance, they lose it by living together until they can't stomach each other.
Well, I didn't mean to get off into all of that ^^^^. Coconut, I hope you will be able to find closure eventually. Maybe the divorce decree will lighten your emotional burden and you will feel freer. I've not been through the experience myself, but my kids have and it was painful to see their hurt. They pulled through it, and one remarried. There is life after divorce!
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
