I've been fairly tormented lately about my sitch and what W has done and it is taking up a lot of mental space than I'd like. The yo-yo continues. I read a piece on Chump Lady today on emotional affairs and her response to a letter and it kinda sent me over the edge.
I haven't fully recounted or accepted the EA that my W had and what that action meant towards me. I always framed it as possible EA, but when I look back and add the pieces up, it was definitely an EA - coming to accepting that has just kinda pissed me off.
Just the way Chump Lady framed her response to it made me finally realize how damaging what W did was to me and I am overcome by disgust and a real sense of betrayal.
I just need a bit of a breather. I love coming here every day and being immersed in this community, but I need a serious break. I think coming here every day just keeps everything in my mind and I have recently just been thinking about her and the sitch a lot more than I'd really like to. I have learned so much here and I have the tools and mindset to move on.
I need some space to think about where I see myself in 10, 20, 30 years and what kind of life I envision for myself. And then work backwards to figure out what logical steps I need to take. Especially for my career.
Some anger came back today and I have learned enough now to channel it towards motivation and lighting a fire under my a$$. I also worked out today which helped.
I have a hard time believing right now that I can find a path towards building trust with W considering all the damage that's been done. I am not making any decisions about anything right now, but I am just kinda done. I don't know how I can do something positive with W with the lying and deception from her part.
I truly hope no one here feels discouraged by my post. I just need a bit more 'me' time and figure out some large questions about the future. I know it won't be completely figured out, but I need a roadmap to something.
On a positive note - completely consistent with my diet, meds, reading, working out, climbing etc. for the last couple of weeks. That has been awesome and I feel really good that I have been able to motivate myself to continue working towards my goals.
Thanks everyone for so much support and wisdom. I wouldn't have made it this far without y'all.
I will be back after a much needed hiatus. Will definitely come back and post an update if something unique happens, but I doubt much is going to shift in the sitch as it stands.
