I am trying to help you because I lived it for 2 years and my W was having sex with me. I could tell her heart wasn't in it. I also blamed myself for how we got into the position that we were in our M.
But you know what I realized. M is about fuching forgiveness and we both were to blame for how we got there. Instead of living two years in fuching limbo thinking this was just a phase I should have nutted up and said something along the lines of "I know I made a lot of mistakes in our marriage. I love you and I adore you but we are either going to both get into individual counseling and marriage counseling and work on this together or I am not going to do this anymore". Then if I didn't get the answer I was looking for walk and never looked back. (I didn't have the knowledge I have now)
What would have changed? Maybe nothing I am almost divorced. I just know it would have saved me at least 1 year of soul sucking limbo and I could have moved on earlier.(We are not getting any younger lol!) I was trying to hang onto someone who didn't want to be with me. Never again!
You're a good man who made mistakes. We are all human.
The number one thing I have learned is that when someone changes the terms of the relationship you are in and you are not agreement with these terms you lovely communicate that these terms are unacceptable to you and if they aren't willing to agree to your terms you walk and you never look back. I communicates that you love and value yourself and if they don't someone else will.
