My plan is that fairly soon-- probably after S19 goes back to college this Sunday-- I will have the talk with her about what we are working towards-- either it is a full, intimate, physical marriage, or it is nothing. I'm not going to live in a sham or "half" marriage
From what I gather, living in limbo is this side of hell. It is obvious you are a verbal person. I am, too. That was the method I saw that worked for my parents. So, when I married a non-verbal guy, I had many talks with him. One-sided talks that never led to the results I wanted. Frankly, I think you would have better results if you stopped talking as though you were leaving the M up to her. Approach her like, "This relationship we currently have is not working for me. I have decided I will not continue to live in a sham or half marriage. I don't want a friendship, I want a marriage, in every sense of the word. I will not continue a relationship where I don't know if my W is committed to our M".
I hope you get a commitment from her, but it may be only the words. I don't think she's emotionally committed. I don't think it would take that long for her to get there, if she thought you were truly out of her life. (And as long as you live in the same house, it won't have the same effect). If she thought you would not be there as her friend, whenever she wanted you, and had to actually experience it. So far, friendship is all that you've had from her.
So, what do you plan to do if you walk away from the conversation without a clear answer, or the one you desire?
Oh, and Jim, keep your talk short and simple. Tough for people like us, but it will be more effective in this particular case. ((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
