I don't believe in this. The reconciliation percentage would be higher otherwise. I have to really disagree on this with AS. However, if you get hope to make yourself a better person by believing this (like AS does/did), by all means do. Personally, my motivation stems from my inner core and reconciliation does not hold any value in it for me anymore.
I agree with you that the motivation has to stem from the inner core and not from hoping that this will bring about recon. Then what you're doing is basically engaging in a performance and not making the serious lasting changes.
I think that AS talks about this from his anecdotal experience that almost all WAS/WW have attempted recon at some point. This doesn't mean that it will happen or the LBS is willing to do it. You're right about not dwelling on it or thinking that it's a sure thing with enough time given.
I can say that in my case, I am fairly certain that my W will regret her decision. But, will that regret turn to remorse and wanting to recon, I really doubt that. If she does approach me with remorse, that will be the first indication to me that she's gone through some personal growth because she is terrified of hard conversations and communicating things, and has a high level of anxiety. But, to be honest, I don't see that happening because W has projected all the negative stuff outwards towards me and hasn't reflected too much on what she did in the MR that brought us here.
The only real route, as you've noted, is that you have to better yourself and understand yourself deeply. That is the one gift that I have received from this for sure.
