If you're here, the WAS/WW/WH has already moved on from you, whether towards an actual person or a fantasy in their mind of what their life should be like.
Yes, as children are involved, you can't completely have them absent from your life, but you can have them almost out of your life. For me, the only reason I would have to contact my W right is if it's kid related. I am completely NC/dark with her outside of that. So, they're present in your life to an extent, but it's very very little. I haven't had contact with her in over a week, and the last time I initiated a message was weeks ago because it was kid related. It's very possible to cut them out of your life even with kids.
What you said could be a reason why she wants to come back and do recon. You have to consider that there are things about her that she needs to work on and just by leaving you, those issues didn't just magically disappear. If she doesn't work on them and wants to recon, you're back in the same place IMHO. Anyways, recon is like a million lightyears away, if at all, and I wouldn't spend much energy on it.
I don't think about recon at all now, and if I do, it is only about what I would need from her to consider it. Don't make yourself Plan B and get your life together and get stronger.
