Sara, everything Ownit said, is pretty much exactly my sentiments.

I understand that you are a physically beautiful woman who takes care of herself, a wonderful mother and a successful career woman. But when are you going to get IT'S NOT YOU!!! You could be Kate Middleton, or any other "perfect" woman and it still won't be enough for him. Why? Because THIS IS HIS PROBLEM. It is not something lacking in you, it is something lacking in him.

Sara, every last one of us here pictures we would have the nuclear unbroken family and our kids would have a magical life and childhood within that unit. We have all suffered the same loss of the dream. Trust me, I did not go through IVF at 26 years old to have my husband leave me for another woman when our miracle baby was 6 months old. With that, my vision of what would be was shattered, and the hardest part is to let go of that fantasy.

The way I see it is you have 2 choices. You live in your situation as is with no expectations if you believe that is truly what is best for your kids. You live that way knowing you aren't getting anymore than what you are getting now and there is the chance of him just walking out that door one day. Or, you get out of this situation, mourn the loss of your perfectly nuclear family, and perhaps realize there is happiness for you and your kids without him in the house. Yeah, maybe one day you remarry and your kids have a stepfather. An engaging one who isn't depressed who loves your kids and loves you and gives you what you need. I am the example of I guess what would be "alone until the kids grow up" I have had maybe a total of a year relationship in the last 10 and I never remarried. Yeah, sure I am lonely. But given the choice of living with the exH as he is is a far worse fate than the position I am in now. That's for me, personally.

You have choices, and I know they aren't what you want them to be, but you have choices. Nor do you have to rush into making these choices. If you can deal with this cycle he keeps putting you through and you truly think it's the best option, then that's you choice, and no one way is a fault. But if you have any expectations beyond what he has been consistently showing you, then you will really set yourself up for misery and disappointment, which will surely turn to resentment.

And yeah, when we are all newly bomb-dropped, we stumble onto this site, and expect DBing is going to save our M. Then our marriage ends anyway and we feel a bit jipped. But in the long run, we take on some life and relationship skills that invaluable to your future. We look inward, which quite honestly, most people are way to scared to do. While it doesn't save our M, it doesn't mean we worked it wrong in or it doesn't work. In the cases I have seen it work, it's only if the WAS is healthy or gets healthy. We can't change someone, they have to want to, and that is not on us.