Calling HaWho

[HaWho]

Oh my goodness - thank you all so much. You guys are so very amazing.

In his self drafted "document" h proposed an initial breakdown of assets when it comes to personal stuff. I just need to think about all that. He seems to be leaving most of the stuff and just wants out. We'll see.

One interesting thing he stated is that if either of us "cohabitates with someone all support stops immediately." He is very bothered by the idea of men around his kids as his mom brought in all sorts of nut job boyfriends. Just interesting that he thinks he can control this aspect.

KML - to answer your previous questions, for assets he knows we split those 50%. And all money coming in will be 50/50. He makes significantly more than I do. I was a stay at home mom for a long while so I want to talk to someone about that. We have very little debt. My concern is that I do think h has been squirreling money away. I do think he has gold hidden in that room. How much? I can't say. Is it worth going after? Not really sure as it's costly to do. I want to ask the lawyer if there is an easy way to see if he purchased more gold than he claims? But I bet he sold most of it and hid the cash. Probably he even steered clear of a security deposit box. But I think whatever is there will be hidden in his room. And I can spend all day long searching for it only for h to lie and say he already "spent it." Again, something to talk with the lawyers about.

It may be more worthwhile to make a claim for lost wages/retirement for being a longtime stay at home mom. Need a lawyer's advice here.

He does have a very good life insurance policy. He proposed I pay 1/3 of it and keep 1/3 if ever the time comes to collect. I assume the other 2/3 are for the kids. But, my sense is I'd need to take it all on to make sure he stays up to date on payments. Need to talk to the lawyers about all this.

If I receive 50% of the income I will be in good shape. And finally, I can control the saving/spending. I am not a big spender and this part of the divorce makes me happy as it gives me full control of my finances again. I will be able to make up for lots of lost time worked if I can have full control of my 50%. H of course has been buying all sorts of stupid stuff to make himself happy.

Ginger - he has already proposed that we go to the banks and divide everything 50/50. I am going to ask that we do this today. This too will give me some measure of peace of mind.

As for how this all impacts he kids, each time stress builds here I remind myself I cannot control this; I can only respond.

I am very scared of the cost of enlisting a "good lawyer." I hate no idea this sort of thing costs. I want it to go fast as h is hungry for it and wants to close it out ASAP. My sister keeps reinforcing that it's very worthwhile to pay a decent lawyer and that this is not a place to skimp. But I have zero idea what this costs. Guess I'll have some estimates soon.

Thank you all so very much.