Sara, by subsistence living, I was being a little more metaphorical. I meant she lived with a checked out husband who gave her nothing in the relationship.
I get what you are saying about the kids, I heard the same thing from my son. A couple of weeks later his dad was gone. Now both kids tell me they are so glad he is gone. Of course a 6 year old has no reference for anything other than what she has known. This is why the children of murderers still yearn for them (which my kids' counselor told me on our first visit). But, if the calculus does change for you in the future, kids do adapt and there are positives that come out of the situation that can help make up for the obvious negatives.
You need to do what you need to do for you. If having him there is worth it to you for whatever reason, then you should keep him there. But, if you do, I think you need to change your expectations. You are constantly disappointed because he is not giving you what you want.
I think if you can reach a point where you expect him to be exactly who and what he is, you can move forward for you in a more detached, and likely happier fashion.
Also, just so you know, I'm about as pro marriage as a person can be. I don't necessarily think him leaving for a while has to equate to divorce. I think there are lots of steps between where you guys are now and divorce.
I do think you should also consider the MLC angle, although I'm not sure it offers much reassurance for yours, or any other, situation.
