It's so painful to be in that position. I still haven't been able to read every one of your posts but have you determined if your husband has been going through a MLC or is depressed? Maybe there's something that could help to explain why he's non-responsive so often.
Do you feel like you truly love your husband? Is it more important to keep him, because that's the man you love, or to find someone that reciprocates equally?
For me my husband was the man I truly loved. There's no one else on Earth I wanted to be with. Then he changed and now he's gone. If there were other men lined up that I felt would have been better I may have left two years ago, but I could never imagine being with anyone else. I guess that's my mistake and still is.
Maybe you need to try really hard to envision your life without your husband, both short-term and long-term. How do you feel about being totally alone? Can you imagine being happy with another man? Did you ever love any other men?
It seems there's not much more you can do to get through to your husband. There's still hope that when your kids are older and more independent that you and your husband will have more time alone together which could make a difference. There's still hope that one day he'll 'wake up' and realize all his mistakes. Your husband didn't divorce you so there's still that stability and warmth of having him there with you. It seems like there's still hope except that you're probably exhausted from waiting and trying and still not having him be consistently engaged.
Perhaps without doing anything wrong you can just look around you when you're out and see what you see. All those men holding their wives' hands walking into Target. The happy families at the playground where the husband and wife are snuggled together on the bench while the kids play. The husband waiting in line with flowers in his hands at the check-out area. I bet those men's wives don't have to try so hard and yet their husbands give them loyalty and affection. Some men are just better than others at being a partner. Then what about the single guys? Do they give you a glimpse when you walk by? Do you ever smile at one and he smiles back?
It seems like there must be a series of questions you can answer and analyses you can do to make more sense of your situation. The answer about what to do next must be there.
This is just hypothetical, but let's say your husband continues to be like this and you meet a guy at work or wherever who's super handsome and affectionate towards you and has everything you're looking for. If such a guy was standing there in front of you would you still want to stay married to your husband? Or would you start to imagine a different path? I'm not saying to ever cheat but just to think about different scenarios as a way to test yourself.
I'd still give anything for my husband to be in the room next to me, working on his computer, knowing he's safe and we're together. Your husband is still there, so there's still hope and still something to be thankful for in my opinion.
