Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 12, D on hold

[PsySara]

No worries about subsistence living, the house is mine and completely in my name only. It's in a good school district and a great neighborhood. WH and I make roughly the same amount of money and frankly if we divorce, he would be hurting more financially. I pay 90% of the household bills (he supports quite a bit of extended family financially) and it would barely ripple my financial status if we D.

If WH filed for divorce I think I would feel sad but ultimately relieved. I can say I've done a Herculean effort to save this marriage and the onus is on him. The only thing keeping me from pulling the trigger is the fact my kids spend a lot of quality time with both parents under the same roof. I once approached my DD last year about the possibility of mommy and daddy living in two different houses. Her luminescent eyes filled with tears and she shakily said, "I need to go cry now." Those words keep reverberating in my head. I so wish I could turn back time and pick another man to make the father of my children. But I can't and now I feel I am stuck between a rock and a hard spot, divorce my WH and place a step father in their life or remain single and alone. My difficulty is that I spent my childhood and young adulthood fantasizing about giving my future children the gift of a strong, loving, two parent home. It will feel like the death of part of me when/if we divorce. My children are happy, healthy and completely stable right now. Do I take that from them or continue to live in limbo? I love them more than my desire to destructure their lives right now. So...divorce? If so, why do we DB in the first place? Is this method even effective? So far I've seen about 90% of the Newcomers eventually divorce eventually. I just feel so stuck right now. This horse of a husband refuses to drink no matter how much water I put out.