Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 12, D on hold

[PsySara]

Sigh, so it goes. WH continues to be...disengaged? aloof? Not cold but definitely sort of checked out. He's not doing anything suspicious like phone hoarding or being defensive but it's like he is physically here and mentally far away. He's stopped touching me, doesn't really ask after me, and almost seems like he finds my body as attractive as a block of wood. It's going on 3 months since we last ML and I am at a loss as to what is going on. I tried to address it and he said he would "do his duty" if necessary. Well, that turned me off completely because I don't want intimacy to feel like a duty. It feels like rejection and it really hurts.

To give an idea, I weigh 120 lbs and am 5'1. I look around 30 even though I am 40. I get my hair professionally done and blown out, I dress nice both at home and work, wear makeup every day of the week, smell good (I really like lotions with light, warm scents) wear sexy underclothes and basically try to be the best wife possible. I smile more than frown and make light jokes about shared memories and experiences. He comes home, makes himself busy on his computer or playing with the kids or dogs and eventually falls asleep on the couch leaving me alone for a few hours before bedtime. On his days off he will lie down with the kids to put them asleep, doze off until my bedtime and then rise when I go to bed and play video games. I find myself frustrated with his avoidance and passivity, this was exactly what our marriage was like before Dday#1. Of course WH rewrote marital hx during his A and said I was not into doing things together, I just nagged about him not helping enough with the kids and chores and I didn't give enough sex. But in actuality it was like it is now, me trying to shore up our relationship and him just not....engaged. Of course my stupid brain will remember how he talked about staying up to the wee hours while they (he and OW) talked, how they liked the same things, blah blah blah. Why was he willing to go out on a limb with someone he knew 3 weeks and not even give a little bit with me? My resentment is building. I am starting to understand how WAWs happen. I have made huge changes and he has basically remained the same, no insight or introspection. HE just thinks our marriage will miraculously heal without him putting in any effort. He keeps waiting for a "feeling" to happen so he will suddenly be motivated to do the things I need to feel safe in this marriage.

Most of this is venting on here because I don't have anyone in real life with the background I've shared on this board. I keep making sure to reach out to friends, fill my days up with love, laughter and joy. But I am not happy in my marriage right now, I feel sad and empty when near him. No flirting, gentle words or acts of giving really seem to make a difference. He remains indifferent.