If you end up in a litigated situation, I don't think there is a court in the land that would oppose counseling for the kids. But as bttrfly put on her thread, don't push it. I've had S in counseling for years, but only now, at 14, when he sought out the male counselor in his school, is he finally making progress and getting thinky. I think he just entertained the others.

Do as bttrfly says and try not to think too far out. I've changed my mind so many times about what I want and I still haven't seen those divorce papers (or even his first revision to the separation contract he has had for a year).

I wouldn't bother asking what the need for speed is. He is just going to lie anyway. I'd just be calm, take it at your speed, and keep reminding him it's a big deal and he has had lots of time to process this and get ready and you have not.

Still keep those expectations at low, and don't let this development take over your life. Things are never as swift or problem-free as we want them to be and you need the stamina to get through this and your kids need a sane mom.

Will he exercise 50/50 custody? Remains to be seen. What you think you want, how you deal with it, and whether you carry it out are all unknowns until you are in the situation.

I'd focus on no 3rd party introductions until 6 mos after the divorce is final.

Last edited by job; 01/10/18 02:14 AM. Reason: edited per the poster