Chris, when i decided to approach my husband about reconciliation, i did not send a text with a terse: "when can we talk?" i called him... i asked him if he would be willing to meet with me... we had been legally separated--living apart--for 2.5 years at that point... i approached him humbly... i was not calling the shots... my demeanor told him that i was aware of that... he was willing to meet with me; however, his demeanor said that it didn't make a difference to him whether or not we met up... and that demeanor happened without his trying... that is how he really felt... and it did not come across as smug or unkind-at all... he was friendly, nice... but he was way passed hanging on to every word or nuance i expressed...
he had no idea why i wanted to meet... if i had come to him and said i was filing for D, he would have been ready for it... in fact, he was at the point where he was ready to move on and file himself...
unfortunately, your WW is not there yet... she is not coming to you for reconciliation... that is what you want from her and must require of her: you want her to come to you taking responsibility for the hurt she has caused, willing to do the work necessary to save your marriage... until she comes with that, i do not see that you have to respond to her... i know this is difficult and scary... but she does know what you want and what you don't want...
she knows you do not want a D, but will not stand in her way if that is what she wants... you are not going to help her get a D, that all falls on her--if that is what she wants... and if that is what she wants, she can file and have you served...
she knows you are requiring NC with OM... she knows you need full disclosure... access to her phone, etc... she is not ready to offer that to you...
this talk will be more of her expressing that she has been hurt by you... hurt that you don't respond to her... hurt that you are no longer exhibiting Nice Guy behaviors... you recently caved and spent time with her... it felt nice in the moment... but when she got her fill, nothing had changed... you were no closer to piecing than before you spent time with her... and, in fact, it put you back...
if you agreed to be her friend right now, she would fully accept that and run with it... she would continue to live her life as she pleased, married to you (in name only)... but living the single life... you are not okay with that... you are too good for that... know that!!!
but now... what do you think you should do? are you satisfied with how she approached you?--a blunt, "when can we talk?" she didn't even ask, "can we talk?" that would have been respectful... as always--mis dos centavos...
