Nothing new on my front. I just joined a gym and am more happy then sad these days. I never thought that this day would come. Where I KNOW I will be ok if he never comes back. I enjoy coming home now and relaxing. I don't text him anymore unless it's about the kids or work. And when he tries to engage in words that will bring about an argument I immediately tell him that this is going no where fast and I would love to discuss things with him but I need a break and will get back to him with a more level head. I have never done that. I always engaged in battle. So this is new for me and I love it. It has knocked my anxiety down tenfold. I am way more happier and patient with the kids and my life. And since I have completely backed off him he has come around and we are actually friendly with each other. We can laugh and joke and smile. I don't pressure anything because if he doesn't come back I will be ok. I just can't believe I'm in this spot in my life right now lol.
I didn't have the kids for Christmas and I was so lonely and upset. And I think tha is when this whole transformation came about. I just knew that I would be ok. I still stumble and miss him. And get angry. I just don't voice that anymore. I'm not dating yet. But I'm becoming more open to the idea as time goes on. He's not dating either. That I know of. And he's taken his profile down from the dating site. If he is dating, then so be it. Nothing I can control.
So for those people that are still in the newness of this. Know that if things don't work out, you will come out the other side in all this. And you will come out a stronger and better person. I know it doesn't feel that way. I didn't feel that way. And I still get setbacks. And I still hope he returns. But for me the endless hope and disappointment when he said he wouldn't just constantly wore me down. So I decided to step off his ride and take control of my own. Listen to the posters who give you advice. And don't beat yourself up if you take a step back and do something you shouldn't. We are all human and we are all hurting. And that makes us do stupid things. But love yourself. Truly love yourself and give yourself the compassion you would a dear friend. But don't stay down. Get up and make your life what you want it. There is so much more out there then just your spouse.
