WAW on rebound, toxic inlaws, mental health issues

[trbuste]

So, aside from the privacy issue and the legal case that she's upset about, what else is she upset about that you find justified or unjustified?

I think those are the only issues she is truly upset about.
The other thing can perhaps be described as a sense of rejection, I will describe it below.

You talk about you being depressed and unemployed. Trust me, I know what that feels like. I became a dark cavern in that time and didn't want to be around people and just didn't pay attention to my W's needs as a partner

Yeah that is more or less what happened. I started going to bed at 2am and waking up at 9am, she was still going to work during her normal hours. Whilst sitting on the sofa watching TV I was always on my laptop distracting myself with games to stay happy/positive. She frequently had to 'request' cuddles from me. Towards the end I started ignoring that because I couldn't cuddle a person who had just been whining my head off.
Effectively I stonewalled her because she was trying to derail me from my end goal which was to complete the case. At some point during this process I felt as if I was being blackmailed, that I had to give up the case in order to save my wife, but my morals did not allow me to give up the case.

Think of the time you got married and the person you were and what changed during your marriage. Which qualities did your W admire about you and what happened during the depression.

I was always a really positive and upbeat person. I always saw good and positivity in everything. My wife loved this quality in me because of her own mental issues I provided her with stability and positivity. She always described me as "her rock" and I still have some birthday cards where she writes "she is not good without me". The moment I lost my own mojo and got depressed about this situation was the moment she started detaching herself. It's almost as if she couldn't be there for me when I was down. I guess a person suffering depression herself can't cope with another person suffering depression.

Also, there is something really weird about your case and how it is of such importance to your in-laws and W. Something is not right there.

Yeah it's rather sick. I know for a fact that SDiL and my ex-boss communicated, because things that I mentioned to SDiL ended up being brought up during the legal hearing. Also SDiL testified against me and defended my ex-boss with a written statement.
I have no idea why they tried to so hard to stop the case.

Maika is spot-on, she is NOT showing remorse, not at all. She is simply showing some guilt, she feels bad for making you suffer. But make no mistake, she is still convinced that she is doing the right thing and that her actions are justified. She feels like you have wronged her for many months or years, so now you are suffering the consequences of that "inaction" on your part (I'm not saying that's fact, it's her perception).

Yeah that makes a lot of sense. Thank you for your comment.

When he started laughing and said, "You don't see why", was it in a snarky way? Was it as if he thought you were joking? Did he act as if he assumed you surely knew?

Very snarky. Yeah he acted as if I surely must know why. But I genuinely have no clue.

How was their attitude toward you when you were unemployed?

Distant. We visited their house maybe 2 or 3 times, conversation was generally superficial or avoided. The last time I was there I mostly played with my W's nephew and only joined them for dinner.
I think they felt I was delusional and useless.

SDiL also mentioned that he could see this coming from miles away. When I challenged him to ask why he didn't do anything he said "It wasn't in my place to do so". So in other words, he preferred for the M to crash rather than take action.

I have to agree with the others that she is showing more guilt than compassion. And, as long as her anger is directing her decisions.....then she is not feeling remorse.

Well she is very upfront about that. She literally writes "I am still incredibly angry" and that she is "still sure in her decision".

Judging by the description of the email content, she is not humble.

Yes she isn't humble in the email.

it sounds as if her mother has some type of unhealthy influence on her

The R between her and MiL is extremely intense.
When her own parents divorced MiL abandoned my W and didn't care about her for 2 years. Despite this my W believes that her dad is the cause of her parents breaking up and MiL is innocent.
MiL is her absolute hero and goddess, she can't do anything wrong. They also have a physical R together, this sounds sick but I will explain. When my W goes over to see MiL they sometimes go upstairs and cuddle on the bed "like good old times". My W needs this to feel closeness to her mother. I find it bizarre behaviour for a 33yo woman.

This is not the girl you married.

That's crystal clear.