Others on this board have noted the difficult of "being separated" under the same roof. I reread about the LRT and have been doing it. However, while living together there are severe limitations on what you can and cannot do. Mainly because I want to protect my kids as much as possible. Two things come to mind.
On Mondays, my W usually goes to the gym from 6-8pm. I had quite a bit of work to do, so. I decided to stay later than usual to arrive home just after 6pm and avoid seeing her. Also, it is unusual for me to come home late and this would create some mystery. When I got home, D11 said to me, "why are you so late?" "I need help with homework". My W was also working late and since I don't tell her about my whereabouts or ask about hers, neither one of us knew. I felt bad for D11 and my other two girls. Because we are living together and have kids we do need to communicate about our schedules and whereabouts.
Second, I have noticed my girls pick up on the vibes in the house. I don't think it is good for them if they see their parents not communicating and essentially ignoring each other. For example, I've noticed a dynamic where I talk to the kids and my W is simultaneously talking to the kids, yet my W and I never talk directly to each other. I decided to change this dynamic for my kids. Last night at dinner (yes we all sit down and eat dinner together), I was telling a story from work, and my W made a comment and I addressed her directly and included her in the conversation.
When I get home, I'll say hi and greet my W, but, I don't ask her how her day was or offer anything about my life. I will ask my daughters how their day was. I'll cook dinner for all of us, but I no longer make her lunch when I make mine (something that I would do 2-3 times per week).
If anyone has advice on the in-house separation, I'd love to hear it. As others here have said, it isn't easy.
