Joe, hang in there. Take it a day at a time. Your sitch is very, very new and fresh still. The reason you are still struggling is because you are right in the middle of the worst part of it. Time will make all things better, but we are all very impatient when we go through this and we just want the pain to end NOW. It will end, but it takes a while. I think it was Surfer that mentioned earlier that it's like dealing with the grief of losing a loved one, this is something I thought about a lot after BD and I believe it is WORSE than losing a loved one. When a loved one passes away we can think happy thoughts about them and eventually let them go. But when a loved one goes rogue WAS, we are caught in a whirlpool of emotions because we don't know if they are gone for good, or gone for a while, are mentally ill or just don't like us anymore, are done or are going to "snap out of it". It will absolutely wear you out trying to figure out why it happened and trying to read the crystal ball to see what will happen.
So how do you deal with all of that ^^^ It's what we're always preaching here, get out, GAL. Reconnect with old friends. Make new friends. Get off your W's roller coaster. Detach. Why does this work? Because it takes your mind off your sitch and changes your focus. It's not a switch you flip, it happens over time. At first you have to force yourself to GAL because all you want to do is go home and curl up in a ball and weep. MAKE YOURSELF DO IT!!! You'll very likely get no pleasure out of GAL to begin with, and your mind will still constantly return to your W. But over time you think less about her and more about your new life.
You're barely 2 months post BD. You need to give yourself at least another 4 to start feeling normal, and to be frank it's going to be at least 8 months before you feel well and truly detached.
Until then just keep journaling here, and remember, we HAVE been through what you're going through, so try and take some comfort from that. I did it, and I do NOT have any special strength or power that you don't. I came out of it a better, stronger, happier person. You will too! Make time your friend.
