New LBS dealing with WW Part 4

[TBSakaJ9]

Joe...you are doing great, you are a DBing prodigy!

[Joe2017]

Joe9:
Thanks for the compliment. I wish I could say it makes me feel better.

Every day I hope she comes to me with the words that mean she knows she fcked up and she is ready to work on us. So far, I've only gotten hints of the first half but none of the second half. Last night I asked her if there was anything else that she actually wanted to talk about, and she stared for a second and said no before she left the room.

Today I paid some bills and told her in an email. She responded in a snarky manner, and I think it is because I did it proactively and was in control of the transaction rather than her notifying me of a bill.

This WW is hard to deal with. It is so draining.

[TBSakaJ9]

It took me about 1.5 months just processing what had happened and about 3 months before I felt relatively normal.

Nothing will make you feel better early on. It just takes time my man. Just take care of yourself physically, mentally and emotionally. I spent hours on this board every day reading over sitch's and advice which really helped me get my head screwed on straight. For me, it was better than my IC.

Your doing all the right things.

[Vanilla]

Joe

If you hadn't fogged it would have been rage instead

V

[Joe2017]

I brought some dinner home for the kids after work, just fun drive thru stuff for them to eat. Brought plenty and both S14 and S16 chowed down. I made sure they were good to go and OK, and I went out to run some errands before WW got home. Hopefully I'd avoid her for a spell.

Later I get an angry TM about feeding WWs child, and how it should have been coordinated with her blah blah, she hates our living arrangements, etc. Anyhow, I didn't want to come back to that so I stayed out a little bit more and did some more stuff to occupy my time. Caught up with an old friend, it was fun.

Came back home with plenty of time to tuck the kids into bed and wish them goodnight. WW was not home. S16 tells me he got interrogated by WW about my whereabouts and she said he was covering it up before she left. I'm sure she is going to turn this into a tit for tat thing where she comes home tomorrow morning to try to make me jealous.

Dealing with WW is so exhausting. Please pray for me. Every day is a different challenge, despite knowing the playbook and understanding that I can't understand.

[OwnIt]

Sorry you have to deal with this, but you are doing great!

[Joe2017]

At this point I'm starting to lose hope that there is anything salvageable. She is so vindictive and shows very limited remorse for her actions. She justifies everything in her own strange way.

She says she is "forced" to live here with S14, but when I suggest she move in with OM she says she has a right to live here in the MH. That's not untrue, but she should leave the home if she is leaving me and S16. I'm tired of her trying to cake eat and then getting mad when she doesn't get her way. She got mad at me for feeding S14 yesterday and then asked me for lunch money for him. WW makes no sense.

The fog is very thick with her and I am losing hope that it will lift anytime soon. I can't do anything about the fog can I?

It's very detrimental to my personal health, too. The stress is stacking on. Going to the gym today.

Prayers appreciated.

[Joe2017]

Wow, why am I still on this rollercoaster? I'm spinning again.

I'm so immensely sad right now and I am fighting this depression. I've been doing so well lately and now I just want to crawl in hole and die. I just want the pain to stop. And there's nothing that helps. Nothing. I know everyone says that this is just normal response to grief and loss. I just want my wife back. I want my best friend back. I want my kid's mom back. I want my life back.

I'm so devastated. DB is so hard.

[AnotherStander]

Joe, hang in there. Take it a day at a time. Your sitch is very, very new and fresh still. The reason you are still struggling is because you are right in the middle of the worst part of it. Time will make all things better, but we are all very impatient when we go through this and we just want the pain to end NOW. It will end, but it takes a while. I think it was Surfer that mentioned earlier that it's like dealing with the grief of losing a loved one, this is something I thought about a lot after BD and I believe it is WORSE than losing a loved one. When a loved one passes away we can think happy thoughts about them and eventually let them go. But when a loved one goes rogue WAS, we are caught in a whirlpool of emotions because we don't know if they are gone for good, or gone for a while, are mentally ill or just don't like us anymore, are done or are going to "snap out of it". It will absolutely wear you out trying to figure out why it happened and trying to read the crystal ball to see what will happen.

So how do you deal with all of that ^^^ It's what we're always preaching here, get out, GAL. Reconnect with old friends. Make new friends. Get off your W's roller coaster. Detach. Why does this work? Because it takes your mind off your sitch and changes your focus. It's not a switch you flip, it happens over time. At first you have to force yourself to GAL because all you want to do is go home and curl up in a ball and weep. MAKE YOURSELF DO IT!!! You'll very likely get no pleasure out of GAL to begin with, and your mind will still constantly return to your W. But over time you think less about her and more about your new life.

You're barely 2 months post BD. You need to give yourself at least another 4 to start feeling normal, and to be frank it's going to be at least 8 months before you feel well and truly detached.

Until then just keep journaling here, and remember, we HAVE been through what you're going through, so try and take some comfort from that. I did it, and I do NOT have any special strength or power that you don't. I came out of it a better, stronger, happier person. You will too! Make time your friend.

[Holding]

I'm sorry, Joe.

Nothing you do will make your W happy right now. The only emotion she can show you is anger. I know it can be hard, but you should try not to let her moods get to you. That's easier said than done, and it will take time. It's something I still struggle with in my sitch, so be sure to give yourself a pat on the back for every baby step you take.

The fog has come down hard on her and there really is nothing you can do about it. Don't try to guess what she's thinking our going through - it will only bring you down. Focus on yourself and the kids, and GAL.

You can do this!