Is it necessary to read both the DB book and the DR book, or is there overlap between them? I’ve started the DR book and have been through the LRT training video series.
DR is an updated version of DB, and I don't think it's necessary to read both books.
It sounds as if you are in a pickle about the step-son. If she won't allow you to be a parent who sets boundaries with him, you may have him living in your house until he marries. Then he'll bring his new W and raise their kids in your house, too. Listen, I fully understand your frustration, and when the other parent is an enabler, it makes for a terrible situation.
This is JMHO, but I think you need to make a decision about what you want for the rest of your life. You see how it is with her and the grown man she has made worthless, for all practical purposes. Unless you can be respected as the head of the family/home, there could be bigger issues down the road. I mean, since he is an adult, he and his mother could completely take over, leaving you with no voice whatsoever. If it were me, I would tell her that he has to follow ground rules you set, or else he's out of the house. If she threatens to go with him.......you may have to tell her that's not what you want, but you won't try to stop her. Otherwise, you will be supporting this guy and your W, who has turned him into a mama's boy, for the rest of your life. IMHO, that needs to be settled first.
If they leave, they'll have to get a job. Something tells me that that won't last long. But my point is that you can't show any fear about her leaving you. And if you approach her about the son following house rules, don't show anger. Keep your voice soft but firm. No raising your voice toward your W.
Are you wanting to keep the house, if she gets a D?
I empathize with your chronic health problems. ((hugs)) Being in this type of ongoing stress doesn't help it.
Your attitude toward working to get yourself together sounds really good. I hope you can reach several goals this year. Speaking of goals, the DR book has a chapter on setting goals. I encourage you to take an evaluation of yourself and dig really deep. List the things about yourself you want to change/improve. Then write down the steps to take to get there.
Finish the book, and read the links on Cadet's page. Post often and read other people's threads. Posting to them will encourage them to post on your thread, also.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Listen, I fully understand your frustration, and when the other parent is an enabler, it makes for a terrible situation.