Fast & Sub - sorry I didn't clarify what I meant by 'try'.
What I meant by it is that W didn't want to 'try' to even salvage the marriage and went the BD route. Meaning she didn't tell me she was unhappy and wanted things to change.
I see no real evidence of her 'trying' during our marriage. When I think of 'trying', I think of a concerted effort by both people to address issues in the marriage. For this, these issues have to be put out in the open.
'Trying' is not some covert black ops where one party is trying to do something behind the scenes without the other person knowing. That is one person doing things with whatever mind reading they're doing about the other person.
What I am upset about is that she didn't ever bring up any issues during the MR - and I have wracked my brains to remember any conversations about any issues and I can't recall any - and then suddenly just doing BD and not even wanting to 'try' to salvage the relationship. So, the decade plus of us being married and together didn't mean enough to even 'try' on her part - which is why I feel like I just lost a chunk of my life that I will never get back because it didn't mean enough to the other person.
I want to say I am strictly talking about my sitch. I know there are others here where their WAS/WW/WH have brought up issues that were not taken seriously by the LBS, or were not understood as serious.
Them 'trying' in the background is not 'trying' when the LBS has no idea what the issues are and cannot contribute to a truly collaborative effort. Marriage is not a one-way street.
