You're right V, I could lighten up. I think if I was in your shoes with the stories you tell I would HAVE to use humour, or go to jail lol
Sandi and Joe, you make all good points.
From my side, up to 6 weeks ago I was still actively working on trying to get my wife back by being loving, forgiving, being the best dad I could etc It was only when I only realized that her heart was probably somewhere else(her A) that I gave up as it was pointless and I've tried to turn around and get MY life back on track.
In our marriage, I never really called her out on anything. She's an only child, arrogant, clever and self righteous. She also has a huge chip on her shoulder that she got pregnant at 21 and had to leave her studies and didnt finish her degree. We also had a daughter 2 years later(totally planned) but she blames me for everything. Thats the way she works.
Through the last year as we were falling apart, separating, I just concentrated on what I could do, get better work, be a better father, get in shape, set goals, be more ambitious. I succeeded completely and I am very happy with where I'm at in that regard.
So, back to the point of the texts on sunday
I didnt like the way this was escalating. Her being a complete b**ch, ignoring me and it was affecting my girls. It was childish bs. She was the mortally wounded victim of high moral standing while I was the a**hole?? NO, F**K THAT! I took a risk that I would make it worse but I called her out.
Numerous cranky angry texts from her but I was f**kin relentless. I wasnt being an a**hole or being vindicive, I was just telling her the way it was, how it affected my family , the girls and I was really being honest. She squirmed and got angrier but I wasnt taking any of her lies or deflection. By the end, I got a semi apology(agreed to disagree) and that we would be civil with each other from now on, which was ALL I wanted. Its all about the girls to me and they've to got see that mom and dad get on ok and when we get divorced, it'll be fine and not stressful. Anytime I have EVER confronted my wife over 12 years, I have ALWAYS caved in to her "better" judgement and just tried to keep the peace. This is the FIRST time I have ever kept up the argument when I knew she was wrong. It felt good and I'm glad that this childish ignoring crap can stop. Also, I was so scared of the D word that I could never do this kind of thing. I'm not scared of it anymore, its a good feeling.
Also, bear in mind that I'm not a citizen of this country( I can apply in March), we still have to file joint tax returns(this will be the last year) and it would be really hard to do if we were not communicating.
So, its been a lot better since. One email yesterday just sorting out holidays, kids stuff. Quick short reply from me. Will stay NC. Just have too see her wed and fri mornings to pick up girls but that will be it til monday. Also my mum(who is awesome) emailed her saying that she'd like to meet for lunch with W when they travel over. My mum is doing it for me and my girls and its a nice gesture. My W possibly may never see her again and I know it meant a lot to W as she really loves and respects my mom. She is not going back on the family whatsapp or anything, thats done.
Today is one of those good days. I slept well and I woke up happy for the first time in a long time. Had a really nice breakfast and chat with my girls and we walked to school with the dogs. Things are looking up :-)
M-45 W-32 D-10 D-8 Together 11 years Married 6 years Separated 6/2017 ILYBINILWY 11/2016 (also nov 2011) EA 11/16 PA Same time?? NC, detachment started 12/11/17 D aug 2019