It IS inappropriate if STBX brought a boyfriend. For sure.
But given the choice between trying to control them and remaining emotionally invested and just shrugging it off, I'd go with shrugging it off.
In my heart and mind my wife died 3 years ago. The person she became is just a stranger to me. An extra in the movie of my life. She doesn't have a name and I certainly don't care what she does with her body or free time. She is one of about 4 billion girls I have nothing to do with.
Fake it til you make it.
Yes, to all of this.
And that's how I try and think of my STBXH as well...like he's dead. He is in a way - dead - the person that I knew. Replaced perhaps by a shell that bears a bit of a resemblance to STBXH. But what's inside of him? That's just really weird, not the person I knew. So he's dead in my eyes. And that makes it easier for me to live my life now, today.
And the faking it part...yes also. Fake it not as a 'you on steroids' type faking it. But faking it in a detached, zen, non-reacting type of faking it. That gives you more space in your mind and in your soul for you to just be.
Occasionally I slip back into my old ways, and I can **feel** it. And, I tell you, it feels downright **weird**. I've been faking it for so long now, that what started off as a massive effort and alien to me now feels like the new normal and easy.
Taking that principle, I'm going to apply it to other parts of myself, because experience tells me it works.
Dating? I did go on a few dates. But not with the intention of being with someone, it was more with the intention of practicing getting into the mindset of going out, meeting someone that wasn't my H, chatting with them and maybe even flirting with them a little as well. Even just that felt very, very weird. I wasn't sure I was entirely comfortable with it, it also felt confusing and I did feel a little out of my depth as well. A lot of stuff to be dealing with and processing, for sure.
It all takes time, my friend. Time to feel, absurd those feelings, think about them (or process them in some way of you're not a thinking kind).
