First Post - Not Sure Where I'm Headed

[Natural]

The stress of having the 28 yr old stepson in your home, could be damaging to your MR, also. Will your W not hear of having him leave? Does she expect you to financially bail him out?

IMO it has definitely been damaging to the MR. I have been asking for house rules for 10 years with no results. WAW is overprotective, thinks I should not worry about stepson, she will handle him, and that he is a separate topic from our MR.

WAW is afraid he would not make it if we kicked him out of our house. I bailed him out of jail after DWI#2 and he has not paid me back for that. Now he is on harder drugs. I plan to test his room for drug residue, and if detected at a level of concern, I will decline to refinance the house to get her cash for the D so she can move, unless the residue is remediated and both house and stepson continue to be clean.

Have you tried, or do you want to stop using porn? I think that may be your hardest step to accomplish. We had a poster not too long ago who overcame his porn issue. The last I heard, it had not saved his M b/c his W said it was too late.

Yes. I stopped porn for a year. Had my act together. Then I became ill – hypothyroid, systemic/invasive fungal infection (plus I have Type 1 diabetes). I'm finally getting the fungal infection under control after 2 years. Now it's time to find my happy place and stay porn free. I understand that WAW believes it’s too late, or does not trust that I will change.
So I get it. I need to be happy for me. Like any addiction, porn leaves you hollow.

So.....was it stubbornness that led to a SSM? From what I hear, most H's want it anytime.....any way. Am I reading you incorrectly?

Honestly, I think it was a combo of anger in both of us, her pushing me away, not being able to get on the same page, needs not met for either of us, so eventually I turned more to porn.

In hindsight, I never gave her the verbal foreplay she wanted. I did not really know how at the time, just worked a lot. Early in our marriage, that didn’t matter, then it turned into an issue. About that same time, stepson did not finish high school. Then he spent 3 years in his room playing video games after quitting three jobs within a month or two of getting them. That became an issue for me because there was never any consequence or strategic effort to motivate him, even though I I lobbied (or complained) for it. Enabling is still happening.

It's ironic that women who refuses to work full time complain about feeling ignored. Did you have time to spend with the kids, hobbies, friends, etc.?

The only kid we have is the stepson, but I make time for hobbies and friends. I don’t work as much as I used to, but money is tighter. WAW and I have not vacationed together in 5+ years. That has killed romance too.

I fully understand this is a long-hall stick-to-it program, not for the faint of heart. Is it necessary to read both the DB book and the DR book, or is there overlap between them? I’ve started the DR book and have been through the LRT training video series.