Ownit, thanks. Yeah I'm working on the legal side of things in between medical tests and hope to have a clear path in place to get out of this disaster.
Vanilla, my husband's actions recently have been abusive in nature for sure. That wasn't him previously though. Whatever changed in him, he doesn't show signs of getting treatment and there's nothing I can do. I checked the Freedom Programme really briefly but it looks like I'd need to watch some videos or enroll in a training. I'm not sure if I'll be able to do that in the near future but I'll remember it for as soon as possible. I did review a few other abuse websites but I don't see a strong match with my husband based on how he's been over the long term. If anything I've done more of those things than he up until recently. My mother however was verbally abusive throughout my upbringing and I did view myself as a victim of her behavior. I also had no idea what a narcissist was in my 20's but now looking back I believe the guy I was dating for eight years then had those tendencies. So I was and am vulnerable to such people and despite heavily vetting my husband with friends and colleagues he turned out bad too. My husband, however, wasn't this selfish flaming monster for the first seven years. This is a new side of him. As the psychologist says my husband isn't 'grounded' so I guess it didn't take much for him to go flying off the deep end after he started working and experiencing real American life Somewhere along the way he cracked. I went over to my husband's house when he was at work last week (I'm a legal owner with a key) just to see what was happening there since I imagined it must be so beautiful by now. I wanted to see if what he's been telling me matched what I saw. I was shocked to see barely any progress on the construction. There wasn't even a kitchen. There were construction materials everywhere and dust. My husband's room where he's been living is like a room full of trash - crumpled clothing and papers lining the entire floor. I was honestly shocked. I thought for sure after all that money and all those excuses the house was done, but it wasn't. So where's all his money going? I don't know. He obviously did some really bad things and is in big financial trouble. So again regarding my husband I don't know. There's too much I don't know. He's exhibited abusive qualities recently but am I a victim of abuse who needs to see an abuse counselor? I don't know. I think I should just get through the divorce and medical tests for now since I'm not sure I have the luxury to add anything new. I volunteered for a crisis hotline for many years and listened to so many stories of abuse. It's not quite a match with what's happening to me with my husband although that's not to say what my husband has become recently isn't an abuser. The marriage is ending so I won't be around to see if the abusive qualities stick with him. My husband's behavior is a close match to what we know people having MLC's and affairs. At the end-of-the-day, my husband no longer loves me. He could care less what happens to me now. He turned into a stranger much like the other stories here.
Caz, thanks for your support and understanding. I'm trying so hard to plan a few things each day that my daughter and I can do together that help with the stress. That's so cute you used to dance with your kids. I'll try the tapping solution next time I feel like I can't take it anymore (which is a few times every day). I'll see my therapist on Wednesday and will ask if she's heard of it and has other suggestions as well.
