Don't try to put a label on him, it will cause great difficulties.
Narc isn't in any case about control. Narc is about selfishness and it's in the DSM, everyone needs some narc and it's only when it goes high it's a DSM issuE.
What I see is abuse which is control. To get money, resources and ones own way. Don't assume that control is abuse or that abuse is always control in a physical way.
Comments such as you have had about your D in front of your D are abuse. Deliberate and anti social. I have no doubts about it.
And where there is one rat there are 50 hidden.
Comments like this show Intent and he feels comfortable enough to flip it away. There has been no apology either.
You stayed with your D in horrible places whilst he kinged himself in luxury.
Compulsion and addiction are low impulse disorders, and he shows no sign of wanting to control those.
This is truly hard accepting that you are a target for abuse. That's how targets are.
Abuse does not have to be ranting and raging, there are other kinds which are subtle gaslighting.
Whether he gaslighted or he raged the end result is he is king of his own castle and would have his subjects subjugated.
If you can't take to the abuse thread and you have hunted to hear there is no issue with him, possibly because that's what you wanted to hear. Then try another resource, Google the Freedom programme it's online and great to help you identify abusers and their type. It's called living with the dominator. I am a Freedom abuse counsellor, and I think someone with these skills can help you more than any IC who can cure him.
Abuser learn from IC, they get better at their techniques.
I know you are struggling with this and it is a great struggle.
Only by helping yourself can you live a free life for yourself and your beautiful D.
Please consider abuse resources IRL.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
