Thx doodler, I don't think it's unreasonable for me to ask that he not be there.. But if he is, is it unreasonable for me to just leave and the divorce be dismissed?
I do want the divorce, so not sure if i'll be cutting off my nose to spite my face, but I will be pissed if she does that and it's about the only consequential thing I can do if she does bring him. She makes more than I do, she got most of the marital assets, we have about the same in our retirement accts (except she will also get a FD pension in addition), so I don't think I'd lose out if we have to get lawyers involved.
First off, from following your sitch for a long time, I think you are getting waaaaay ahead of yourself. Your ex is not out ot be spiteful and I don't think she has ever rubbed anything in your face. I read some of these newcomers, and these WAW are nutso, really trying to hurt their LBS. I don't think she is out to do that to you at all. I also think she knows you, and that if she were to bring the BF, you would become spiteful. I don't think she wants that. I think she wants to move on peacefully.
You worry me a bit because you want to spiteful and in one way, you are moving forward, moved, have great hobbies, ect.... why would you want to bring any unwanted friction into your life? Just get it done with already. Change the marital status on your dating profile to divorced. Wipe the slate completely clean. Free yourself already! It's been 15 months. You have been asking for this, now you have it, and you want make it harder just to spite her?
I get the hurt. I have to actually speak to and be friendly with other woman who is his wife and my daughters stepmother. The only thing that really freed me was me not trying to punish them anymore.
I don't think she is going to bring him. And if she did, you don't even need to do anything consequential.
Even my ex, one of the biggest douchebags, knew not to bring OW. I went alone, and my ex had his lawyer who is his dad's best friend and also attended our wedding. How awkward is that? Especially he part where he asked "how are you doing?"
