Yup, same here. What are the goals you are working on?
My main priorities right now are - working out, climbing, eating well, taking my meds, reading, and playing a musical instrument. I have built that into my schedule and that strategy has worked really well. Even though I had written them down previously, I realized that I needed to put them in my calendar and make time for it. It's really worked well that way. I am also still trying to improve my time with the kids and being more chill and relaxed with them - there is great improvement in that area, but I still have some impulse reactions that I need to work on.
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It is definitely a weird place to be in and I wonder the same things. If you get the answer let me know because I have been struggling with this one.
Yeah, I toyed with the idea of making a pro/con list about why I wanted to work on the MR and what W brought to my life, but I am hesitant to do that for some reason. I feel like it might just push me over the edge and that there are things that I might not have thought through really well yet. I don't think I can work on the MR with just the kids as my motivation. She has to bring her A game to it and I just have some non-negotiables that I can't ignore anymore. I am wondering if my desire to work on the MR was tied to me 'winning' this fight and appeasing my ego, rather than seeing what she truly brings to the marriage. I miss the intimacy and connection, but you can build that with someone else too. I guess I need a lot more than just nostalgia for things to work out.
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Over time I have felt the distance creep in as well. At times I really find it hard to believe that this MR could ever be reconciled. I have no idea what she does in her spare time, what she is thinking and since my communication with her is no more than 5 min or so per weak I don't see how we could ever move forward
Yeah same here with the distance creep. I also don't know if she considers being a 50% parent as a loss to her. She's out doing her thing and I am not sure where the kids fit in her priorities. I also have no idea what she does with her time and I barely see her. I think that I will have to make the decision in this scenario and I am just trying to make sure that I am in a place where I am okay with it.
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I pray that you will get the clarity you need. I have been praying for this as well. Maybe I have been getting the signs though and have just been ignoring them.
Thanks man! Same to you. I don't think we can always get 100% clarity, but I think we can get enough to make a good decision. I ask myself why would I want to hang in when W just blew things up, didn't even entertain a second chance, has shown no remorse, and doesn't want to be with me. Why expend one ounce of energy on her when she's had chances to do something but didn't. For me, it's like the years we had together didn't mean enough for her to even at least try. Instead she walked out and made a decision that impacted three other people. I am not saying she didn't consider it, but it didn't matter. So, why should I sit here and stand when she didn't even allow an opportunity to just 'try'. The relationship didn't hold enough water to just 'try', not giving guarantees that it will work out, but just 'try'.
So, I am getting closer to just moving on with my life. My new mantra is 'I am waiting for me'. I am not waiting for her. Working on my goals is going to get me there and when I do, I will know enough to make a decision about where I want to go.
I really feel done right now. I know it will ebb and flow, but my emotions haven't been on a spectrum in a while now and so I think I am getting more settled and grounded. I love my goals and what I am doing. I am accomplishing everything and it is just bringing me so much joy. I don't want to waste a second on her anymore.
