Trying to catch up now from the beginning of thread number two:
Subitai - Thanks. It's so hard when our kids have to hear their parents fight. It breaks my heart.
Caz - I really to do meditation and other exercises but currently I'm too exhausted at the end-of-the-day. My daughter and I do kids yoga together and go for walks. I'm seeing a therapist. I did a massage the other week. I'm really, really financially broke at the moment so I may have to wait on a homeopathic doctor but I'm doing additional medical tests this week and next to see if something else is wrong.
Joe - I'm doing everything within my power to love my daughter and offer her security. We're together all the time except when she's in preschool for three hours per day. She's fallen asleep in my arms every night of her life and we sleep together in the same bed. I keep telling her that I'll always love her and care for her and still love her father even though he's gone.
2016sux - It really sounds like my husband is going through a MLC. That's what the psychologist also suggested as well even though my husband isn't quite within the normal age range. That's so sad about how your son suffered from your husband leaving. How is your life going now?
Ownit - It's hard to tell if that's good or bad that your husband asked for a divorce but never filed. I'm sure you wish to have closure at some point. I'd love to delay my divorce to be stronger first. My husband, on the other hand, came two nights ago and said he wants to do it as fast as possible so he can be free.
Anotherstander - I guess my husband will have all the time in the world when he's divorced and free from this curse that he calls marriage. I have no choice but to go through with it and try to move on.
Sotto - I wish so badly there'd be hope. Or I wish so badly that I'll find someone that I'll love more than my husband not in 20 years but soon. I know it can't be right away, but one thing I realize is how much I loved being married and how much I'd love to share life with someone.
KML - I did talk to an attorney and mediator last week and will be doing more on the legal end this week.
PsySara - It seems my husband is working on acquiring knowledge of the divorce process so he can proceed right away. Up until last week he never mentioned divorce before. He always just said he wanted to think. Now he wants to get divorced right away. It's such a relief and so amazing that your husband never filed. I'd do anything to be in your shoes!
Maika - Thanks so much for your words of encouragement!
Ownit - I think I covered most of your points but the agreement my husband and I signed is just a written agreement between the two of us that covers financial issues and child care issues until we reconcile or divorce. There's no legal separation here in our state so that's all I could do.
Jim - Thanks for your clear directions and for saying it's not my fault. I did contribute but I agree it's not my fault that my husband cheated, left twice, isn't paying stuff, etc... I do have a lot of documentation but hope it won't get to the point where we have a full court battle. I just hope there's a better way.
PsySara - Yeah what my husband said about our daughter is unforgivable. That's the worst thing he's ever said and I hope someday he'll repent before God if he ever thinks deeply enough to be sorry for his actions. My family is far away geographically and I'm not close to them. I don't think I'll tell them about the divorce for at least a year or until I'm feeling better. Getting them involved would be a disaster. I do wish though I had a supportive family. If I did I'd at least feel comfortable knowing I can go to live with them if all else fails, but that would never be an option. I have to go through this alone and with the help of friends and colleagues.
All, I'm so sorry for the messages to which I didn't respond from the first thread but I'm so far behind. Again thank you so much for your input. I'm so thankful for all of you.
