Ng and exH are alike in some ways. They are both independent fix it, mechanical types. They both have blue collar backgrounds and are both very intelligent. They are both honest, blunt, confident in day to day life. They both like to do favors for others especially when it comes to the mechanical stuff (although this stopped with my ex later on) The typical "man's man". And will take over in all the things I hate, like driving and directions (I dated a hippie type millenial guy last year and never again. The role reversal was very unappealing to me. I am more traditional and feminine) They both have similar flaws. I think a verbal apology/validation would be a struggle for both of them. Instead they both seem to try to make things right through actions. Neither seem to be able to communicate their needs from a partner. That might be a problem. Both are soda drinkers and eat fast food but I realize I have to overlook those type of health choices. (these types of flaws from my ex frustrated me, but they were never things I would have ended a relationship over. I would look past these types of things in choosing someone because I think other characteristics are more relevant )
I think NG has a lot of relationship experience and likes being in a relationship. He is more of a homebody then my ex. I think he believes in commitment. He said he never left anyone and believes in working hard to fix problems, once committed. He does not like to drink and drugs are not an issue with him. I am not sure if there are any red flags yet other then not being able to communicate his needs or feeling like he has no needs. He is the type that would greatly inconvenience himself for his loved ones.
I think maybe with my ex it was the drugs that were the bulk of the problem. He could not provide for his family. Money was the ultimate issue. And I think he knew I was about to start asking big questions about money. Thats when he left. He did not want to explain to me all this debt. Instead he blamed his leaving on me. He villified me so he would not have to face what he was doing. I think that's a big part of what happened anyway. I could be wrong. I could be projecting. And he resented us for using up his resources. I don't see him as this flashy womanizer looking for new relationships.
I think it was the drugs that affected our sex life. I have been reading these drug forums and while I cannot go into the details here that they do on this forum, the sexual dysfunctions that they describe from opiate use are exactly what my ex was experiencing for years. I thought it was stress or unhealthy eating. I never would have guessed or known it was from drugs at the time. I never understood why other husbands were all over their wives for sex, and mine just was not. I kind of gave up too though and it wasnt enjoyable because of the things I mentioned above. I felt like he was detached from me and it became more about whether or not he would be able to perform for the sake of performance.
Im sorry I am off on a tangent. I am analyzing a failed relationship and why it failed. And whether a new one with people with similar flaws will work. And figuring out if it was the human flaws or addiction that ruined the one with my ex.
Withdrawing my interest, detaching would make my feelings hurt less. SOmething my ex did?
