Hi Everyone, I'll just respond generally quickly and then see if I'm able to retroactively respond to your specific posts which I appreciate so much.

Regarding being an abuse victim, honestly I'm not sure. I did read the Zelda thread and looked some things up online. Definitely neglect, emotional indifference, and withholding affection are things that my husband has done. He's never been controlling in any way though. And he's not a narcissist. It's always nice to find a label for someone that can explain everything but in my husband's case I'm certain that's not his problem. I've seen four marriage counselors since we first got married and a psychologist and none of them have ever suggested abuse as being a problem for us. No one who knows us has suggested narcissism in relation to my husband either. So I'm not sure. Maybe you all see something that I can't see, and that no one else has seen. I don't have enough clarity in my thoughts currently to be sure.

Up until he left two years ago my husband rarely ever meant to hurt me. On the contrary, I would attack and criticize him in the years leading up to his departure for things he did wrong and he would apologize profusely. For the first seven years we knew each other, and five years that we were married, my husband would apologize even when I was the one wrong. For many years I felt he was the greatest man in the world. He did so much for me. He always supported me.

Something did snap in my husband around two-and-a-half years ago. Suddenly he stopped talking to me. He would sit staring at the wall or stay in his room. When I'd ask him what's wrong he'd say "I don't like my life. I don't like my career. I don't like being married." Then a few months later he left. He was out dating and spending hours in the gym every night and almost got kicked out of his residency program.

Then he came back. He said he couldn't live without us. He said we'd fix everything. Then he never wanted to fix things. I'd ask him, I'd look miserable, I'd try to carry on alone, I'd reach out and he'd reject me and I'd spend nights in tears and he'd get angry.

Now here we are. He's gone and he's saying these terrible words and wants to get divorced. He said two nights ago "he just wants to be free." I guess he has no love for me and just wants to be free, away from me, to live his life.

There is something mentally wrong with my husband. He's wrecked his life financially, he's anti-social, he's acting erratically, doesn't spend time with his daughter, and he has no empathy for me being sick recently.

I'm really not sure how to categorize our situation. It sounds similar to many other people here who are losing their spouses. In the case of my husband and I, I believe we're both emotionally weak and drained right now and living in a crisis.

The hardest part for me is that my husband has always apologized deeply for anything bad he says, but these last few weeks there are no apologies whatsoever. Just anger that escalates when I add any pressure or show emotion myself.

I'm just exhausted. I have no idea. The feedback from the psychologist who met my husband is that he's "not grounded, has no sense of identity, is immature, and doesn't know where he's headed in life."

That's why sometimes it's hard for me to not wonder if my husband will ever return to his right mind and at least be sorry, or if this is his real self and he was just acting all those years.

It's too hard to make sense of everything. I just know I have to go through a divorce now and all my dreams have been shattered. I'll still work on responding to you individual posts as much as I can!