Today she told me again that i still mean a lot to her but that she just cannot see past that one incident which she now clearly defines as her "breaking point" where she could no longer hold it together.
To reiterate: Last year was an afwul year which brought me to my emotional, physical and mental limits and i was close or at a nervous breakdown because of the whole business situation (which is a story for another time really) but the short version is, i have indeed made grave mistakes and in one incident where i was so desperate for help i asked HER to handle the situation since i knew she could turn the tide with a certain situation that needed defusing. I was just at the end of my wits and desperate and asked her to help. The thing that she is rightfully accusing me of is that i should NEVER have asked her to help with my problems (which she never WANTED to be a part of) in the way that i did. I actually somewhat "pressured" her into helping by pulling the "family card" meaning i said that if we cannot resolve this situation our family will be impacted negatively as well (on emotional and financial planes) which prompted her to intervene.
I wish i could go back and undo this, i really do. By doing that i not only failed to protect my family but i gave up my "mancard" as well without realizing it and empowering HER so she felt even more that SHE was the one having to take charge of our marriage and me and everything, which is a ticking time bomb in itself.
So yeah basically she now uses this event to justify that she will not EVER be able to get with me again since all she sees is that one situation when she looks at me.
Traumatic for both of us to be sure, but i cannot help but feel that this one situation could not undo the good years that were there before...
