25yearsMLC 10 Later I FILE D part 8

[25yearsmlc]

PS

Some friend of mine without common sense sent me a ton of photos of OW. As YOU all know, I prided myself on never looking.

Sheesh, moron (the friend -no impulse control) but anyhow, I barely looked once i realized what she had sent me (the friend, not the OW)

but i read one post of OW's and it was "I don't care who my ex marries, they're getting my left overs".

WTF does that mean? Is she writing it to HER ex b/c he remarried? Why does she care
at all who her ex marries?

Does she have to marry my h now, to even things out and "win" that contest too?
And

Who posts crap like that anyhow?


Another random question for you all--

I don't think h has ever considered that I might be dating. He seems more focused on HIS being free to marry OW

and his L mentioned in negotiations about the risks of an alimony buy out (=lump sum ahead of time, so that I waive the right to more support later, but we are DONE and I know he can't go back to court every year to whittle it down or when I work and get a raise,

then he cannot reassess the amount and yank me back to court and his lawyer said h risks , that " I might die right after a buy out," (lovely) meaning that he'd have "paid HIS money for nothing" (like our kids inheriting from me, would be for nothing...)

whereas the idea I might remarry - has never occurred to either of them---would mean he'd have "paid me all HIS money" only to have me marry OM next week. The buy out means I can remarry.

(No, it's not my plan.) But gosh, it would be fun to marry M the day after the spousal support buy out, you know, just to enjoy all h's support - all of which I EARNED and more, God knows...).

I guess the fact that h has not considered it, feels insulting. And it's goofy that I give a darn. Can't wait till I don't care about h anymore. WHEN DOES THAT HAPPEN??

It's not about M, I don't think. Though he helps me to heal.

And unlike H, I won't post photos on FB about M and I dating (that R is progressing nicely, btw)

b/c

1) I don't feel the need for the world to know what's happening in my private life, though I did change my name on FB; my marital status remains private

and

2) M has an ex wife whom I've never met. I bear her no ill will. I will not disparage her. Or humiliate her or hurt her, if I can avoid it-

M has a 20 y/o son too. Why would M or I want either of them to see me and him together on fb?

M's son says he supports M dating, that he "expects" his dad to date, but that is not the same as saying "go ahead now, and see someone in particular and post on FB".
And I think M's ex will date too, though M does not think that at all.

AND fwiw, a lot of men in my divorcecare class assume their ex won't ever date. What is that about? Egos? Is that what my h believes? Why wouldn't I date? Because I"m waiting or just so undesirable? I'm just saying that 5 of the 6 men in my group believe their ex wives will "never date". Just odd...

Anyhow, no FB posts about how HAPPY I AM with NEW MAN in my life...b/c

I'm not H. Different values, different moral compasses. Sooooo

I have how many days left till Ground Hog Day? 3-4 weeks.

Prayers please.

Hey, here's to making 2018 what WE need and want it to be. Better. Healthier (wealthier, please) and kinder, with more joy and more love.

For all of us.

M and I may merely be passengers on a plane crash who comfort each other in the aftermath or during the crash itself. Maybe that's what this R is.

And you know what? That's okay with me right now. But he sure is more interested in the R itself than h probably ever was. M is interested even when he's not wanting affection, etc.

I think part of healing is being on your own enough, to get to know yourself. To know you are alright alone, even at peace.

AND for me, THEN the part of healing is knowing that a man finds me really attractive, personally appealing, which M calls a "positive energy and vibe" that I give off and that I'm sexy and funny and smart,

(and all the other stuff you guys don't even know about how great I am!)

This stage of healing is where I'm ready to hear it, think it's true, mostly, and not go and marry the kindly man, just for stroking my ego.

It's like the final stitches on a gaping chest wound or something...there will be a scar, but it's a lot better.

And yes, I am for real, taking it slow with M. But it taught me about H and the other WAS's who seek out APs and get overly familiar too fast.

They crave being in a couple --they are used to it and H was in Alaska where he had few real friends---

but they don't want to face the wreckage their departure left behind. Plus for h, it is literally FAR away and out of sight.

It must seem FAR FAR easier to start over, with new fans all around, or so they believe. And in the short run, it must be. Maybe even the long run if they can avoid looking around for long, or forever.

OR what if they literally do not care much about it. What if the family and marriage they left behind is simply not that much of a priority to them? In a sense, it's obviously true.

That hurts but it's also -- if true - a mark on them, not you.

Down the road, with grandchildren, weddings and graduations, I can only wonder.

Okay - Good night all. Sorry for the length of this. Thanks for catching up too.