New LBS dealing with WW Part 4

[Vanilla]

Oh and record the lunacy.

V

[Joe2017]

So in other words this is just the way it's gonna be now. Lol

[ATPeace]

V how I have missed your posts ...you are so right tho lol

Joe you will not know me but I can tell you for sure it does get easier I promise you that ....

It is going to challnage you test you but you will come through this a much better and happier person it may take a week a month a year or two but you will get through this.

Become the best person you can be ...for you and only for you
Nothing you do or say to her right now will make a difference so focus on Joe

Do not worry about a time line ...focus only on today

Take care

Ghost

[Joe2017]

One day at a time huh? It's tough. I'm trying to be patient, and it depends on the day how I am feeling. The mood swings are terrible. I feel like a crazy person on many days, but I keep it together on the outside.

Earlier WW wanted to talk so, I did with boundaries in place. Whenever one was violated the course was corrected immediately. The point of the conversation was basically: "Joe2017... Why the fcuk are you NOW the person I wanted you to be before I filed for divorce?!!?!" Lots of tears, etc. She said that I appear to be doing just fine without her now. I didn't do any pursuit behavior, I just said yeah I'm moving on. More tears, and then she left the room.

And I guess I am sort of ok in this moment. Ask me how I'm feeling tomorrow though, and you may get a different story. Lol

[ATPeace]

Paitence paitence then more paitence ....

From what you post she needs time to work things out but it sounds line you grasped this way faster than I ever did and with this in mind
Keep the R talks to a minimum
Work on being the best you
Make the change permanent but ultimately do it for you

You can do this

[Joe2017]

ATP:
Yeah, patience. Well, no matter what she says to me I don't believe anything has or will change regarding our sitch. I just need to move on as best I can because my MR is over. It's done. My W is gone. WW took over. It's through. Everything out of her mouth is a lie.

I just have to keep my head up and keep working on myself. I've been making some strides. I'm getting healthier and by most external accounts I'm doing well. I've been independently social. It's been really tough, but in doing my best. But if you read my history I've had some really tough tough days.

Oh well. Like you said, one day at a time.

[TBSakaJ9]

Joe, you are doing AWESOME and are stronger than you realize. IMO controlling your anger and emotions has been your strongest action. Let her spin you The Rock of Gibraltar!

Yes, 1 minute, 1 hour, 1 day at a time!

[Surfer]

Exactly Joe9

1 min - 1 day. You already in this bracket.

Soon it will be 1 day - 1 week

Etc

Kids will know it’s her. Mine was exactly the same. Try limiting her exposure to you in this way to when kids are asleep. If she is not productive, grab that glass of water and get to bed! Or have a soak. Whatever.

You are getting this much faster and are more capable than I was. Keep going chap!

Also you will miss physical touch. You can help to clam your insecurities the you would normally get from a hug or reassuring hand on your arm (from your W). Y making sure you give the kids lots of cuddles. They will need this too!!

Your kids will be fine if you protect them. And they will not forget this. I promise you. You will become a serious hero in their eyes.

Just keep finding space for you when it gets hard. Read, mindfulness, gym, run, soak whatever. The time you can cope get longer. You are getting stronger all the time with this. Consequently so are your kids.

Surfer.

[Surfer]

V’s fogging is absolutely on the nail. I learned to do this. I expect V or Sandi put me into them. Using stock phrases is good. If they work she will probably end up going even more nuts sadly. But use them to protect you and the kids.

Surfer.

[Joe2017]

So I fogged yesterday and ended up making her yell at me. It was OK, I didn't care.

So last night she initiated the R talk and just cried, and also said she was upset that I have all of the control inside the house. Said she misses talking to me. Then she said that bit about me NOW being the person she wanted BEFORE she asked for D. All she really got from me was that I'm good and I'm moving on.

Today she resumed texting me a small conversation text using the kids as loopholes. I can see this as temp checking now. I am not going to respond. I can talk to her about it when I get home if I must. Otherwise, NC and GAL.

This is so sad. Every fiber of my being wants to rescue her, but I know that it will be a complete waste of time and send her even further away from me.

Tough love. One day at a time.