New Year, new thinking..

[Coly23]

Hi fellow DB'ers, I hope you are having a good weekend!

I just wanted to journal a bit here just to make sure I am doing the right thing.

Whilst taking all the Christmas decorations down I also started packing a few of H's bits and pieces for him to collect. He couldn't collect last week during the week and didn't suggest the weekend but has just texted me to say he can come over tomorrow when I am at work. I asked him if he could also help me to sort the garage and loft and he agreed. I know this is the right thing to do but I'm here again in tears because it hurts so much to talk about dismantling our lives in such an agreeable way. He was very pleasant, asking me if I had a good week and wishing me a good first good day back at work etc. I just kept it to business and didn't respond to his niceties. It all seemed so false and unnecessary. Maybe it's his way of dealing with it, I don't really know.

It feels wrong that I am the one who is constantly asking him to come over and pick his stuff up, like I'm the one pushing for this to be over. D said he doesn't care about what he has left behind because he doesn't need to deal with it whilst he has free storage. I guess this will force him to face up to what he has to deal with and also see his connection with the house getting less and less.

Does it get any better? I know at some point it may need to get worse before it gets better. It will be two years in May this year since we separated. He can now ask for a divorce based on irreconcilable differences. I'm dreading it. It feels like I constantly have the sword if Damocles hanging over me.

Anyway, thanks for racing my ramblings! Hapoy Sunday everyone! Xx