Squinting at the morning sun

[ciluzen]

Happiest of New Years to you, too, HaWho, Job and Bttrfly!

I actually went out on New Years for the first time since separation...and had fun! A friend invited me to a "dueling piano" bar where there was lots of comedy, music and dancing. I had injured myself skiing the day before, so no dancing for me. But a lot of fun, anyway.

I'm currently trying to work around a minor MCL tear or strain, hoping that it gets better soon.

HaWho, I don't know what my XH is really doing in his life. He skis and works, I know. He only uses his apartment during the work week and considers the river house as his home. It is still home base for the "social group" parties and vacations, so he's not always alone there. I found out from D27 that the son of one of the social group couples was staying up there while home for winter break because his sisters had taken over his home. That seems wierd and I'm sorry for his parents, who must have missed him as he was across the country as a freshman in college. I have noticed that he tends to do a lot of activities with the teens and young adults of the group, welcoming them up with their friends. He's the cool older "uncle" now. I know he was jealous that I was always shuttling, mentoring, and spending time with our kids and their friends...but I was a stay at home mom and coach. He was at work. Now its his time. Funny, during one of our last R talks, he yelled at me, "I told you you spent too much time with the kids!" Now he's spending a lot of his time with other's kids.

He still seems to be trying on my life. That's the best way I can put it. He still makes a point of letting me know he tries my recommendations and enjoys them. He even has let me know that he has gotten in to things he used to tease me about or seem irritated with me about. Most recently I told him that I found a Chinese restaurant that served his favorite item (a "homestyle" food not often on the menu of most chinese place here) and he let me know he'd been there quite a few times since. So, at least I'm not all bad.

His memory issues are interesting, I agree. But understandable. The time leading up to and through the divorce was very stressful...its all a blur for me, too, but I journaled each night and discussed things here. So many memories and ideas were reinforced for me, but not him. Plus, if he is "sharing" his thoughts with others, many of his negative thoughts about me may be supported or enhanced and become entertwined with memory. Either way, I will keep reporting, journaling, on this forum for the benefit of anyone who is reading, but I try not to wonder too much on whats going on in his head. I'm really getting pretty good at thought stopping when I start ruminating on the past or trying to mind-read in a non-beneficial way. Just look up "Stop it!" on Youtube with Bob Newhart...that is the voice I hear in my head, now.