I want to start by telling you I know how hard it is to resist her advances. But she is not a well woman by any means of the word. She basically told you she would trade one in for the other. People are very disposable to her. She should say "I am done with OM, what an awful hateful mistake, I never want to see him again" She is not saying that at all.
My personal opinion is that if you were ever even contemplate taking her back. She needs to choose to rid herself of OM without the guarantee of you getting her back. ANd the two o fyou working hard on your M is the least of your problems. You cannot work on that M until she rights herself in the head. I would have a very firm condition of her seeking professional mental help before even considering working on the M. She isn't capable of being a partner to you in this state. Not the kind you deserve. She needs to work on herself. because she is ill.
I know this is difficult and a lot to take in, but you have done loads of work. She has done zero. You need to still move out, because you shouldn't even be living together if you were to piece this. That should come way later.
