Gordie #15: closing the cake shop

[Lifes Twists]

Gordie,

I remember when Cali's ex did what your spouse is doing and he was on cloud 9 and thought he was into the reconciliation mode. I wanted to just grab him and give him a good shake to wake him up and tell him that his ex was not done and he was in for a lot of heart ache. Wish I had then, so now I am telling you. Keep moving forward with your plans. To stop now will lead to heart ache on your part and not allow you the opportunity to reconcile in the future. Like others here have already said you need the space to clear your head. She needs the space to continue to bake in the life she has created and to come to terms with what she has said.

I would not respond at all to what she has written. if she can't do this face to face then it has no meaning and you don't even have to acknowledge you have seen or read these notes.

You are on a good path right now. It will be painful, but should lead to healing for you and your family if you don't falter and respond to these trivial notes she leaves for you. Wait for concrete action on her part, not words.

[Gordie]

It’s not so simple any more. A lot of damage has been done. Vows were broken. Trust was broken. It would take a lot of hard work on both out parts to build a new M. You say you’re not sure what you want. I need someone who “knows” in their heart that she wants me.

***

R and H—thanks. No discussion yet. This marathon is wearing me out. I don’t want to be a maybe. I want to be a yes, I choose you and will do anything to make this work.

[Gordie]

LifeTwists,

Thank you, thank you, thank you. And may I one day get to Cali’s place of peace with or without my w. As my d b coach says, she’s not done with me. Problem is she’s not done with OM2 either. And if not OM2...OM3, etc. Conflicting words and actions confuse me and keep me on the hook. She is playing with my heart. Some days I feel I’m stronger than this. Other days I feel this is killing me.

[Ginger1]

Gordie,

I want to start by telling you I know how hard it is to resist her advances. But she is not a well woman by any means of the word. She basically told you she would trade one in for the other. People are very disposable to her. She should say "I am done with OM, what an awful hateful mistake, I never want to see him again" She is not saying that at all.

My personal opinion is that if you were ever even contemplate taking her back. She needs to choose to rid herself of OM without the guarantee of you getting her back. ANd the two o fyou working hard on your M is the least of your problems. You cannot work on that M until she rights herself in the head. I would have a very firm condition of her seeking professional mental help before even considering working on the M. She isn't capable of being a partner to you in this state. Not the kind you deserve. She needs to work on herself. because she is ill.

I know this is difficult and a lot to take in, but you have done loads of work. She has done zero. You need to still move out, because you shouldn't even be living together if you were to piece this. That should come way later.

I am not a woman of God, but I do pray for you.

[job]

Gordie,

I'm a bit late in coming to the "do I respond or not to her posting", but I wouldn't address the issue w/her again. How many times have you told her that you would not consider a relationship w/3 in the mix? She's not listening to you. She is doing what children do, they cry, they whine and beg until mommy and daddy give in to shut them up. She knows how to play the game to wear you down. The only way that you will get through to her is by your actions.

If you've not sent a response, then don't. The more you try to rationalize w/her and share your thoughts/feelings on the subject, the more she knows that she's got you still on the hook. Step away from her drama. You do not need to explain yourself again. You've already done this at least 2, if not more times in the last few weeks.

Actions speak louder than words.

[Gordie]

Ginger and Job,

Thank you. I have said nothing.

[Sotto]

Hi Gordie, there seems to be pretty much a consensus on what you shouldn't do here...

I think doing nothing may well be the best plan as Job suggests. She isn't ready to hear what you need. I think it you are silent and continue on with your plans, the penny will truly drop - woah, I've gone too far this time. And I think she needs to feel what it is like to have pushed your H too far and have him not even respond to notes like that.

I truly agree that if she hooks you here, she will just go back to the prior behaviour, safe in her view that status quo is restored.

She isn't baked yet, means just that....not ready and able to be the kind of partner you want and need.

Xx

[Coly23]

Hi Gordie, I do t think I have posted to you before but I have kept up to date with your sitch.

I just wanted to stop by and tell you how strong you are not accepting your W's breadcrumbs. I don't know what would do if my H left me a note like that. I think I would have danced a jig like Cali!

I really don't think your W realises that in situations like this the 'if' statement has no place! Well done for standing your ground!

[OwnIt]

Gordie:

Sorry to chime in late. I wouldn't respond. She KNOWS what she needs to do. Everyone is right. She should never approach you until she says there is no OM, there won't be another, and I'm running to you Gordie and not away from someone or something else. You got this. The team is here and we are rooting for the home team. It is going to be a great season even if the preseason games aren't looking too hot.

[bttrfly]

Hi Gordie,
You got lots of good advice here. She isn't going to let this go. You can ignore, and that's all to the good, but I expect an escalation of epic proportions as you get closer to move out day. You may well want to lock that bedroom door as I suspect you're going to wake one night to find yourself not alone.

The other thought I had is this: how would you behave with the teens if they kept pushing your boundaries? She's a teen right now, as near as I can tell from her behavior.

Just my thoughts. Stay strong xoxoxo