New LBS dealing with WW Part 4

[Surfer]

Joe,

It takes a long time to detach. You simply can not rush it. It's like losing a close relative. You just don't get over it quickly. But you do have to find a positive way to deal with it.

Her looking sad, might be guilt or whatever. Don't read into it.

Her blocking you from her son is her cutting you out of her new life. I was blocked from her parents, family, my BIL, friends. Some come to you to help. They are truly worth having as friends etc. The rest - charlatans who can't be anything but sheep IMHO.

If you are finding these alone times hard, can you schedule time with a counsellor or friend. It seems you need to talk chap. That and do-ing and gym are great. You will find this less difficult but only time will help. Reading about this sort of thing is also very, very good. As is mindfulness. I believe between these suggestions you will find a route.

Be very careful not to become a martyr to your feelings. Be the rider not the horse my friend. This is important. Read about ID the super ego if you wish but in short. Take charge of your emotions.

There is a poem by Rumi called the Guest House which helped me understand that what you are feeling is transient. Very much so. It helps to get this.

It's no more than a headache or a hangover. The feel awful, these emotions, but once gone your remember them but can't feel them. They will go. Surprisingly quickly. They will return though. That's why Rumi's words are great.

Remember, the foundation of these feelings is grief. It hits you like a tsunami first time. Then crashing waves, they never stop. Soon the waves are less intense. Perhaps further apart. You can breathe. Then, in time, shall, infrequent, then silence. They will hit you every now and then, out of the blue and hard. Then go.

Read Rumi.

Take care. Remember many have been there. You will not drown. You will learn to be the most capable swimmer. Like a Jedi in Speado's - keep that chin up.....

Surfer.