Anyone see the children's movie Coco? I loved it! I admittedly cried through it. Because it was about the importance of family. One of the characters abandons his family for his own passion and no one can forgive him. Anyone see the similarities? Sure the wife he left was a bit domineering, but she also had great characteristics and grows throughout the film. I loved that the flaws of the characters never mattered, only the triumph of family.
I came from that working class family that grew up in one of the Boroughs where everyone lives super close, if not in the same mother daughter household. No one has ever been divorced. Now this type of dynamic is outdated. Sadly, we do not live in a culture in which a strong family unit is valued. And I think that is the problem.
So my marriage is gone and I am moving on. I still think about my ex every day. (That could be part of my rumination disorder though) I feel sad that it came to this. But it was out of my control. It really was. If my ex had told me about his financial issues or about whatever addictions he had, I would have been the type of person to stay, research obsessively and seek appropriate help. I would not have enabled or let it go or denied once discovered though. To me he was family. HE did not feel that way about me or our son though.
The level of secrecy was and is so unfair and disrespectful though. To not know, to never have been given that, even to this day shows how little value I was to him. I was never considered an actual human being to him. With feelings that mattered. If I left him I would have not wanted to hurt him on top of it, knowing that I was the leaver.
I feel like I am permanently traumatized. I will never be the same. In some ways that is good i guess. But I am not sure how to navigate a future relationship. I took to heart being villified by my ex. There is some truth to the things he said, but a lot was unfair and I do not believe a real reason to walk out on a partner of 15 years. But now I am cautious of my needs in a relationship.
The man I am currently dating offers to do things to help me. And I do not want to take him up on it, because I don't want to inconvenience him and have him later resent me or be perceived as needy.
I do not think I am super comfortable in my own skin anymore. I worry that men will like me for the things that look good on paper and then not like the true me. Or ignore things early on because of the superficial attraction. I am only getting older.
But my real fear is that there is no such thing as true loyalty and family this late in the game.
