OK so this isn't an anger issue at all. It's a control issue. If it's not happening in all areas of your life then it isn't malfunctioning anger, boundaries are king this in place.
Well done for acknowledging that.
Different peeps use different mechanisms to gain control, some use poor me, others their looks etc etc. You use anger.
Make sure you are tackling the right issue, control usually arises from lack of self love, feeling that we are not enough. Sounds like you have the knowledge to know that it is from FOO and it's patterning.
There are various therapies including DBT. Are you having DBT or schema therapy?
I don't see any wayward elaments in your W. Frankly if she wanted to walk away from a controller that's within her right for her own sake. She seems quite grounded and is a walkaway far as I can determine.
Do not treat a walkaway as if they were wayward. A walkaway is classic DB. Sandi guidelines are wonderful with a walkaway, print them off, gracious even laminate them.
The more you try to control her leaving the worse it will be.
Be friendly, show you know the issue and are making big permanent shifts. Not changes they are temporary. It will take a long time to turn yourself around and your sitch.
As far as I can you have my support to change the control issue. Sometimes education can help a great deal, learning how this works. I can recommend Al Turtle on the master principle. I love Al Turtle who writes on boundaries in a way that teenagers can understand.
Control is an expectation that life should be a certain way and when it's not crazy eight behaviour occurs, such as anger leading to rage.
There are expectations which are completely untrue beliefs and need addressing:
1. Life should be fair.
2. Opportunities will fall into my laphone or I deserve the best
3. Everyone should like me or love me or respect me or ....
4. People should agree with me, so much so my spouse and family can't have their own views if they disagree with mine, I am always right
5. People know my views they can mind read and if they don't do what I say or even think they don't love me
6. I’m going to fail and if I do its your inadequacy that caused it because I am always right and if I am not it's because you didn't do what I wanted
7. Things will make me happy or its your job to make me happy, if I am not happy that's your fault for not doing what I needed you to do
8. I can change him/her if they don't do 1 to 7 above. I don't really need to change permanently do I? because really these issues aren't me.
Even pretence at shift is control.
Truly the only person you can control is yourself, get to it.
My thoughts
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
