When there's a third party in the marriage, even when one of the spouses isn't aware of the third party, it sets up a totally different dynamic. Communication becomes disrupted, augments don't seem to be resolved, and worst of all, consciously or unconsciously, there's often some gas-lighting perpetrated by the offending spouse.
Where I'm going with this is, you've taken a lot of responsibility for your anger and defensiveness. You've been fingered as the bad guy. I think she's hanging you out do dry. Look, you're being set-up to take the fall. She's playing you big-time. It's time to step up and take charge.
