Job, I very much appreciate your take on things -- Debbie Downer or not. Absolutely, her separation can be simply to distance herself from me. We did separate in the MH for awhile, and she did say that she wanted to move out to start the 12 month separation clock towards a divorce. My feeling is she was really conflicted about this and rushed into separating from the MH. I know that I could be naïve and way too hopeful on this.
What do you think about the separation being her way of showing withdrawal? I ask this because she has always been a big time extrovert -- one of the reasons why I was attracted to her when we first met. In a room full of extroverts, she would be the biggest one. It's just difficult to see her ever just holing up somewhere and eliminating all contact from everyone. I do believe that recently, she has reduced contact to a large degree from most everyone except her new group of friends. Even with them, if what she had told me is true, she has been cancelling dates she normally wouldn’t with them. Come to think of it, she did ask me at one point after BD2 whether she should quit the gym that she met these new group of friends from. Another reason why I think she's conflicted about things. As much as I wished she did quit that gym, I said "no” she shouldn't because I thought it brought her joy, and working out is a positive thing.
After BD1 she displayed much more classic actions of replay like the excessive partying and going out with girls much younger than her. She's hasn’t been doing this after BD2. I knew she was having an MLC after BD 1, but didn't know about the stages of MLCs at the time. Looking back, I don't think she showed any signs of the Depression stage and like you suggested, she never finished her MLC.
I'm hopeful of recon, but preparing for D. I should be ok if it comes to D, but just [censored] that the goals my W and I set together, that she's since made a point of nixing after BD2, aren't going to be reached together. It’s tough for me to shake the feeling that we can still be great together.
Oh, saw that you recommended The Solo Partner by Phil DeLuca somewhere, and I’ve ordered it. Think I need to hone up my dance moves on pursuit and distancing.
Absolutely, her separation can be simply to distance herself from me. We did separate in the MH for awhile, and she did say that she wanted to move out to start the 12 month separation clock towards a divorce. My feeling is she was really conflicted about this and rushed into separating from the MH. I know that I could be naïve and way too hopeful on this.